Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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