Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
