He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
