On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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