obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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