Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
