I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize