ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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