Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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