My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
