I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
