I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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