I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize