You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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