just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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