Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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