i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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