Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
