either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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