Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize