Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
