T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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