I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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