The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
