so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
