So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
