I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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