U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
