you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
