You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
