My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
