can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize