brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
