Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
