I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
