I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize