??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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