is your mom at the bar?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
