In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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