Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
