I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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