I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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