dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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