I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There r osticjed everywhere
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
