Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
