Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
