He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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