Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
