Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
