btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just pee around me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
