Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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