I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
