She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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