Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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