Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
