No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
