i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
