I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
