i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
