Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
