When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize