I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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