According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
