okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
