I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
