i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
