all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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