you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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