physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
